


The 7 Signs of Madness

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-16
Updated: 2006-07-03
Packaged: 2019-01-19 21:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12418470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: There's a few signs you can look out for to assure you of your sanity -- or insanity. Walking into walls and unreasonable jelousy for example. Two of the characters from the Harry Potter series divulge these signs to save you the pain of becoming crazy.





	1. Prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

  
Author's notes: 1  


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The 7 Signs of Madness

A/N: Draco is in bold

 

Prologue:

Here’s the thing, 

**Dreadful thing really**

Oh shut up 

**Id rather not darling**

You just can’t go 5 seconds without hearing yourself speak can you? 

**Apparently neither can you.**

Ingrate 

**Wench**

Snake 

**Twit**

Ferret 

**Weasel**

This is going nowhere 

**I agree**

Where was I? 

**Love.**

Right. Love. You see, love is a terrible, maddening disease. It’s painful, annoying and time consuming. 

**Not to mention it’s the very first step to insanity**

It is insanity. Love is the very definition of insanity. 

**When you fall in love, your brain seems to stop working.**

When you fall in love with someone your heart doesn’t understand when things can’t be done or why they can’t. In fact your heart just doesn’t listen to anything but itself! It’s insanity! It does things you normally wouldn’t dare do. It goes off and tries things you shouldn’t do. 

**The heart has reasons which reason does not understand**

What does that mean? 

**That I really don’t understand why I fell in love with you of all people, I mean honestly!**

Draco, the point is? 

**But I don’t regret it. No matter how much I went through. I guess my heart knew what it was doing.**

Aww….That is so sweet. 

**But love is still insane**

No doubt. 

**Or maybe it’s just being with you that's insane…**

_Right_ , and being with you is perfectly sane… 

**So we are both officially mad.**

Well, you are. 

**Look who’s talking.**

Anyway, I had been talking about love before I was rudely interrupted. 

**It was not an interruption. Your explanation was so terribly lame I had to spice it up a little.**

Oh! You arrogant --- 

**Long story short, falling in love with Ginny Weasley was the stupidest, most insane, and irking thing I’d ever done.**

Yeah, well, falling for you was no picnic. 

**I’m not saying it was.**

 I-uh- _ergh!_

***Smirks***

Git. 

**You love me anyway.**

How come you are the only human being in the earth that can render me speechless? 

**It’s a gift.**

A very annoying gift. 

**Touché**

Whatever Draco.

  ** _Whatever?_ *acts offended* I am shocked you care so little of my opinion you said you were infatuated with me.**

Infatuated? 

**Malfoys don’t lie.**

Of course, and Weasleys are filthy rich 

**Well, filthy is right.**

*smacks him on the arm*

  **Damn woman!**

What? Did that hurt? 

**You see how she treats me?!**

The sad thing is he likes it. 

**Do not**

Do too 

**Do not**

Do too 

**Y** **ou are acting completely immature**

Well, I had to stoop down to your level otherwise you might feel repressed 

**Repressed?**

Yes, poor Draco didn’t get his snide comments of the day in. How sad. *shakes head mockingly* 

**You know what’s sad Ginny?**

Do tell 

**How you acted when you realized your true feelings for me**

This coming from the man who was jealous of Colin Creevey 

**That is a total lie**

Of course it is. 

**I’m glad to see you have admitted to your fib**

Do you know what sarcasm is Draco? 

**Something that is very unbecoming in my future wife.**

I am not you’re – 

**Of course you are.**

Since when? 

**Since now.**

Now? 

**Yes.** When did I agree to that? 

**When I decided it would be pointless to ask you.**

Really? Don’t fiancé’s get rings? You know huge diamond-y shiny rings? 

**Begging much?**

Well, since I agreed to be your fiancé I figure the best way to let people know I agreed without ever having to open my mouth would be to show them a nice shiny ring. 

**Like the one on your finger?**

What one on...my…. 

***smirks***

When did that get there? 

**When I put there.**

And when did you…. _Oh_ never mind. It’s gorgeous. 

**Now, as my darling fiancé was saying, love is stupid and complete and utter insanity. And it is quite easy to tell when you have fallen in love.**

Really? 

**Very. It only takes seven steps.**

More like signs. 

**The seven signs of madness**. 

  



	2. When A Weasley Gains A First Name

** When a Weasley Gains a First Name  **

****

****

**A/N:** There’s a part all in italics it’s a flashback. 

**You see, there is fine line that separates people, except some people don’t see it.**

See it? *scoffs* The line is so fine, it’s practically invisible. How exactly are people supposed to realise who crosses the line if no one can see it?

**The line, *glares at Ginny* separates the people you hate from the people you don’t. Somehow, Ginny here crossed and I didn’t notice how she came from pathetic Weasel, to person I don’t care about**.

Oh thank you. I feel so special.

**Trust me, you are. *smirks***

Ha-ha. What this…redundant fool is trying to say is that the very first sign, 

**Or step**

Whatever. Is acceptance.

**Or as I prefer to call it, when a Weasley gains a first name**.

*rolls eyes* I always had a first name Draco; _you_ just never gave a damn.

**Of course you did. It’s just Weaslette was so much more…befitting back then.**

Uh-huh. And ferret was just my way of expressing my deep and profound love for you.

**Well, darling it’s nice to know that you have finally stopped lying to yourself. Finally!** **You seem to have come to terms with your incredible obsession with me.**

Ugh! As if.

**You know it’s true**

Can we get back to the point?

**What? No comebacks? Have you officially run out?**

Whatever. *rolls eyes*

**Again with the “whatever”! You are clearly obsessed with that word.**

_Really?_ And here I thought I was obsessed with you.

**Oh don’t fret, you are, but apparently you have a very deep attachment to the word _whatever_.**

It is a phrase.

**I hate to break it to you…no actually I don’t care, but ‘whatever’ is not a phrase, it is just a word used to emphasize the fact that one has no better argument to back up their case. All the word _whatever_ backs up is that you have lost in the given argument.**

Honestly you sound like some robotic professor!

**Why exactly is that?**

Because you sound so…formal.

**I am formal.**

Whatever.

**See? There you again.**

It is my phrase. _My_ phrase. Not an obsession.

**Word, Gin, it is just a word.**

If you say it then it _must_ be true!

**One of these days your sarcasm is going to get you in trouble**. 

Oh, don’t worry; we’ll be in so much trouble because of _your_ antics that no one will notice my sarcasm.

**My antics?**

Yes, now about the acceptance.

**The very first step.**

Sign.

**Okay, okay. The first _sign_.**

….How did that happen anyway?

**You don’t remember? How disappointing.**

Of course I remember the act but…how did we get there?

**It was your entire fault. In fact you are probably to blame for our entire relationship. If you had left me alone none of this would have ever happened.**

** xXxXx**

_Ginny swore as she fell quite ungracefully unto the cold, stone, Hogwarts floor. Damn Nott._

_Ginny pulled herself up into a sitting position, as she saw Ron, coming from across the hallway to where Ginny and Nott were. She groaned and lay back down. **Idiot brother**. She quickly pulled herself up when she heard him start to bellow at the Slytherin. _

_“What the hell do you think you are doing?!”_

_Nott sneered. “What do you want Weasley?”_

_“Ron!” She exclaimed_

_Ron turned facing Ginny angrily “He pushed you on the floor!”_

_“Ron,” Ginny muttered through gritted teeth “I am aware that he pushed me on the floor and I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Now just, GO AWAY.”_

_Ron Weasley turned and ignored his sister’s statement. He pulled out his wand and threw a curse at the pale snake._

_Ginny groaned and was about to haul Ron away herself when said Slytherin pulled out his wand and started to curse her brother._

_Pretty soon it turned into an all out duel, and Ginny was caught in the middle._

_Draco Malfoy was leaning the wall; he had been watching this particular scene for awhile. Frankly he was sure that Weasley, Nott, and the Weaselette had not noticed his presence. Why should they? He wasn’t exactly there. He was watching from afar. And now it really had gone too far._

_Weasley should have just let the Weaselette and Nott battle it out. He was pretty sure the petite red-head would have won out in the end._

_Ginny ducked as a jet of blue light streamed toward her head. This “duel” was very annoying. She just wanted to get out of there, but she couldn’t just leave her idiot brother there, no matter much of a prat he was. She groaned. **Today was just a fabulous day to forget her wand in her dormitory.**_

_“Expelliarmus.” A cold voice broke in clearly_

_Ginny lifted her head as she saw both her brother’s and Nott’s wands whisked away into a pale hand. Said hand belonged to a pale, blonde, grey-eyed Slytherin._

_Draco Malfoy._

_“Ten points from Gryffindor for initiating a fight with a fellow student,” he drawled handing Ron back his wand._

_Ron looked as if he was going to explode at Malfoy, when Snape appeared out of nowhere. “What is going on?”_

_Draco yawned, appearing, bored out of his skull. “Weasley thought it would be humorous to start a duel with Nott.”_

_After Snape and Malfoy exchanged a few more words Ron was hauled off by Snape to go “converse” with McGonagall. Snape hadn’t even given her a second glance. She even wondered momentarily if he **did** see her. Her thoughts were broken when she heard Draco Malfoy speak to Nott. Except this time his voice wasn’t monotonous and bored it was…steely and dangerous._

_“What are you playing at Nott? You don’t push a girl on the floor, not even a Weasley. I see you do something stupid like that again, you’ll be sorry.”_

_And just like that the Slytherin prince walked away, while Ginny was left there pondering her sanity. After a few seconds she came to a conclusion and followed him._

_He turned abruptly “Why are you following me, Weasley?”_

_“I’m not. I just – I wanted to thank you.”_

_He sneered “For what?”_

_“You know.”_

_The pale Slytherin rolled his eyes._

_“You do know that when a person goes out of their way to thank a person, said person is supposed to say “You’re welcome”?”_

_“Are you aware that I don’t do what I’m supposed to?”_

_“I am now.”_

_“Is there any other idiotic comments you’d like to make, or are you done, Weasley?”_

_“Ginny.”_

_“Excuse me?”_

_“My name is Ginny or Ginevra if you feel more formal.”_

_He raised a delicate eyebrow “Very well. Is that all you wanted to tell me… **Ginevra**?”_ _“Yes, and thank you again…Draco.”_

** xXxXx**

You know what? You are absolutely right. I am at fault.

**Are you being sarcastic again?**

Obviously.

**Then whose fault, pray tell, is it?**

Yours! You had to go off and be all noble and whatnot! Instead of being the completely dishonourable idiot I expect you to be. So when you turn out to be nice, I _have_ to be decent.

**What I did was nothing out of the ordinary**.

But I didn’t know that?!

**So you are going to say it’s my fault**.

Yes.

**Do you even have a brain?**

Oh very witty Draco.

**It’s one of those things that just screams me.**

*rolls eyes* Sometimes your idiocy surprises me.

**I hate to tell you darling, but everything surprises you**.

Ha-ha. That is just so funny.

**I still think if you hadn’t followed me and made me start using your first name we wouldn’t even be here. You started the whole process**.

You make it sound like it’s the worst thing in the world.

**I tend to exaggerate. I mean if you hadn’t been stupid enough to go after me and say thank you, I wouldn’t be here. And despite popular belief I don’t mind it all too much.**

*smiles*

**And goodness knows you feel much more satisfied without having to admire me from afar.**

*Shoves him* You are such an idiot

**Yet you are still with me. Almost makes a person wonder.**

 

**A/N:** I don’t like this chapter all too much…it seems a bit _eh_ to me. But please review and tell me what you think

 


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